Listen. I know it sounds ridiculous. But hear me out...
I was sitting in the River End last night starting my celebration of Andrew Wenger's first goal of the season... Only to realize that he didn't score. Instead, he managed to hit both posts and the ball still stayed out of the net.
"But, how does such a thing even happen?" you ask. That is a totally reasonable question, dear reader. More than reasonable. After a long night of thinking it over I'm left with only one possible explanation:
Andrew Wenger has been cursed by some form of Voodoo Magic.
"But, surely that can't be true. Voodoo isn't real, is it?"
Again, dear reader, you ask what can only be considered an entirely reasonable question. But, if I may, I'd like to respond to your question with a question of my own..
How do you explain this!?
What about this?
And these are just the ones I can find highlights of. Andrew Wenger may not be a world class goalscorer, but the guy is surely better than this. The law of statistical averages says that he is bound to score eventually... Unless, and this is what I suspect to be true...
The man is goddamn cursed by a goddamn voodoo witch doctor.