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Who Will Not Be Going to the 2018 World Cup?

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You just crossed over into the #BanterZone. DUN DUN DUN

Can you name this MLSer?
Can you name this MLSer?
Casey Valentine/isiphotos.com-USA TODAY Sports

With the United States out of the World Cup in Brazil, we take a look at 23 American players in MLS who will, in all likelihood, not be on the USMNT's roster for the 2018 World Cup.

Goalkeepers

Tyler Deric (Houston Dynamo) - Deric, 25, has only made four appearances in his six-year MLS career, and is a favorite not to make the roster in four years.

Chris Konopka (Toronto FC) - The former Union 'keeper is currently in his fifth MLS season, but he has only logged 180 minutes of game time. Konopka has experienced success in Ireland however, and will push Deric for the No. 1 spot on this roster that is absolutely not going to Russia in 2018.

Evan Bush (Montreal Impact) - Bush, who went pro in 2009, will be 32 when the World Cup kicks off in June of 2018. In his two MLS appearances, he holds a goals against average of 2.000, a number that will ensure that he is not in Russia in four years.

Defenders

Dan Gargan (LA Galaxy) - The Philadelphia native is enjoying a solid season with Los Angeles, but he will be 35 in 2018. I might get some flak for this on the message boards, but I predict that Dan Gargan will not be on a plane to Russia four years from now.

Stephen Keel (FC Dallas) - Keel, 31, has played in 56 games as of the publication of this projected non-roster. The eight-year MLS veteran, who had a two-year stint with the USL Timbers in 2009 and 2010, will also be in his mid-thirties in 2018. Keel will not be one of the 23 men selected to play for the United States in the 2018 World Cup.

Marvell Wynne (Colorado Rapids) - The Rapids' starting right back brings much needed international team experience to a roster consisting of players who will not play for the United States in the 2018 World Cup. Though the former Olympian possesses quite a bit of speed, he will be 32 in four years, and will not be good enough to travel with the USMNT to the 2018 World Cup.

Darrius Barnes (New England Revolution) - He has experience at every position in defense, but Barnes, now 27, has never received an international team call-up. He'll add versatility to an imaginary back line that will never play together.

Anthony Arena (Houston Dynamo)

Ty Harden (San Jose Earthquakes)

Donald Toia (Chivas USA)

Midfielders

Cole Grossman (Real Salt Lake) - In many of the articles predicting the 2018 World Cup roster, writers have ticked off Grossman. I would consider this unwise, as he holds a black belt in Chinese kempo karate. Four years from now, The Sensei (Cole Grossman's nickname) will boss this nonexistent roster in the not-World Cup being held in not-Russia.

Davy Arnaud (DC United) - Surely, no one has forgotten Arnaud's goal against Haiti in the 2009 Gold Cup. No one, it seems, but Jurgen Klinsmann. Arnaud has not earned a cap since the German took over, and I can say with some degree of certainty that Klinsmann and Arnaud's issues will not be resolved by 2018.

Landon Donovan (LA Galaxy) - You're not going, Landon.

Victor Pineda (Chicago Fire) - Once thought to be a better prospect than Diego Fagundez, Pineda is currently on loan with Indy Eleven of the NASL. It was a shock not to see Pineda's name on the roster this year, but it will be even more of a shock four years down the road. You heard it here first.

Steven Evans (Portland Timbers)

Christian Duke (Sporting Kansas City)

Aaron Kovar (Seattle Sounders)

Collen Warner (Toronto FC)

Forwards

Conor Casey (Philadelphia Union) - Casey, who will be 36 when the 2018 World Cup starts, is likely too old and worn down to continue to represent the U.S. on the international stage. This does not mean that the Union will stop spending 90 minutes crossing the ball into him anytime soon. Expect Casey to play well into his 40s, until his knees explode.

Jonathan Top (FC Dallas) - They call him "Top," but he's more like a "Bottom" to me hahahahahaha. I do not think he will make the roster.

Chad Barrett (Seattle Sounders)

Mark Sherrod (Houston Dynamo)

Andre Akpan (New York Red Bulls)