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FRED IS BACK!!!

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FRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fred.

FRED.

FRED!!!!!!!!!

The Union announced they have officially brought Fred back to the Delaware Valley after the Brazilian midfielder cleared waivers. Fred had been trialing with the team during the preseason. Now, I know what you're thinking. And there's a good chance your thoughts don't matter to me.

Because Fred is back.

Of course, his role here will be similar to Chris Albright last season; pick up your check, play in a couple friendlies, and help the young men on the team become better professionals and better players in general. I know that his passing was sub-optimal back in the Union's inaugural season 4 years ago, and indubitably has not gotten any better in his 34 years of age. Yes, it is true he was released by a Melbourne Heart club that finished second-to-last this past A-league season. It's also true teammates call him Grandpa.

But here's the thing: his name is Fred. Until somebody comes along with a better one-name like Carl or Mortimer or Joe - and no, the Jô that played for Manchester City five years ago does not count - we must cherish this. One balmy day in Belo Horizonte in August 1979, a mother, drenched in sweat and recovering from labor, gave birth to a baby boy, named him Fred (and only Fred), and crossed her arms demanding respect for her and her new baby Fred. Or at least that's how I imagine it went down.

Helbert Frederico Carreiro da Silva is back, boys and girls. Appreciate and ask yourself where your parents and friends went wrong in not giving you such a cool name.